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HireMyVA Podcast 132- A therapist for entrepreneurs?

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Dave Braun
00:00:05
Well, hello my friends! Welcome to the HireMyVA Team and Business Building Podcast brought to you by Yoogzi.com. In this podcast and HireMyVA, we help you to reclaim your freedom through hiring and thriving with virtual assistants without breaking the bank- and that is the most important bank though, it’s your bank, not my bank, it’s your bank! So I’m Dave Braun, I’m here with Larry Broughton who’s my partner in all things, coaching. Larry, you’re a fantastic business mentor. You help coach me in life, you help coach me through these podcast episodes we are recording, and thank you for being my brother, my friend. Tell everybody hi!

Larry Broughton
00:00:42
Hello handsome, David? How are you?

Dave Braun
00:00:46
Fantastic!

Larry Broughton
00:00:47
Good. You know, I was thinking back over the last three podcast recordings that we did.

Dave Braun
00:00:55
Yeah.

Larry Broughton
00:00:55
And we’re gonna do this one a little bit differently, I think because the topic that came up a couple of times when we were talking about burnout was the idea of therapy.

Dave Braun
00:01:04
Oh yeah.

Dave Braun
00:01:05
That’s this one. If you guys have heard that, hopefully, you’ve listened to it. Therapy is very powerful, so that leads us to our topic and our question. This is Episode 132. So the question is, as an entrepreneur, I wanna be at my best. How do I go about finding a therapist for entrepreneurs? And Larry, I think this is not just for entrepreneurs, really. The question is really for everybody. And the other thing that I wanted to say before we get going is that I think I’ve made a mistake and never gone to therapy. I wish I would have, like early in my life. It’s like, why, because I know for many, many years I’ve needed it, but I haven’t gone to it. And that’s one of the things that I’ve recognized that I need some therapy on a couple of things in my life. But then you, you’ve been smart, a lot smarter than me in this, and recognized that for you to be at your very best, you needed some outside help.

Larry Broughton
00:02:09
Well, let’s keep in mind though, Dave, I would argue with you that you may not have gone one on one talk therapy with someone who’s a licensed clinician. However, there is no replacement for that of course, because some of the stuff that we deal with, you do need someone who’s been trained in it. But in some ways, you’ve been part of a mastermind. You’ve been with an accountability group where people do help you talk through, and walk through challenges that you’re facing. And so before we kind of go too deep in here, I gotta tell you I was very anti-therapy for years and thought there was a sign of weakness and only crazy people that did therapy. And the first time I really committed to it— I won’t go into great detail, but I’ll just tell you this, that the therapist, I guess we’ll get in into a little bit later, but he said, Hey, when you first came here, Larry, this is after we were in it for about a year. He said the first phase was triage.

Dave Braun
00:03:15
Oh, okay.

Larry Broughton
00:03:16
You gotta stop the bleeding. The second phase was, like physical therapy. We’re gonna make you stronger. And then the third phase is peak performance.

Dave Braun
00:03:26
Okay. That’s a great way if you think about it.

Larry Broughton
00:03:28
Exactly. So you gotta think about it that way, right? So you don’t need to be totally broken in the fetal position, in the corner, not being able to function for therapy, particularly in the entrepreneurial space. You and I both do a lot of executive coaching. And remember in the early days when we were doing masterminds, it was all about the bottom line. It was all about the balance sheets, it was all about, inventory turn. And then we started realizing, well, Jiminy Cricket, a lot of the problems that these people are having are outside of the space. And so we turned into a little bit, not formal, not licensed, but almost like a therapist, sometimes. Helping people hold the mirror up a little bit and then developing an action plan to help them out.

Larry Broughton
00:04:18
So I’ll tell you this. I was having dinner the other night with a buddy of mine who’s a former Navy Seal and we were talking about this topic, about therapy, because I’m doing a couple of forms right now. For those who don’t know, my son was killed in a car accident a couple of months ago. And so I’m trying a bunch of different things right now. And so, obviously, the topic came up. So, why don’t we kind of go through this Dave, and about, I think the question is how do you find a therapist as you said, for an entrepreneur. But I think it’s for anyone, right?

Dave Braun
00:04:57
Yeah. I think it would’ve—

Larry Broughton
00:04:58
High-performing entrepreneurs I know have done or are doing some form of therapy.

Dave Braun
00:05:03
Yeah. I think it would apply to everybody. I guess you could also think of it as like you had said, a coach in maybe some area. And that’s really what a therapist will be as a coach in maybe an area that you feel is holding you back. Or that you feel like it will hold you back if you don’t get through it or if there’s some major trauma. I mean, like for me personally, I think some stuff that I have is rooted in people-pleasing, which is so common among everybody, and wanting people to like me. Now it’s one of those areas where I think it’s holding me back a little bit, but that’s one of the things that I’m gonna need to explore with somebody. I really want to.

Larry Broughton
00:05:49
Yeah.

Dave Braun
00:05:49
Because it’s about peak performance. Like you talked about.

Larry Broughton
00:05:52
Well, let’s gonna dive into this. I would recommend— This is again, based on my experience. I’m not a licensed therapist, I’m not a clinician. I’m just sharing with you some of my experiences, personal experiences, and experiences that we’ve heard from some of our clients and friends, and associates and those types of things. But I think David’s like hiring any outsourced expert, If you’re gonna hire a contractor to do work on your home, you’re gonna interview them. And you’re gonna like, what we talked about, slow to hire. Take your time and find the right person, unless it’s an absolute emergency. Like you need someone now and you’ve done, you’ve gotten references, you’ve gotten referrals already. Then I would say, take your time, interview some of these, you can talk to them on the phone or go in and be clear about what you are looking for.

Larry Broughton
00:06:47
What are your core values and what are their core values, because you’re gonna wanna make sure that those are kind of shared? So for instance, I’m gonna be really exaggerated here for a second. If you are a pacifist and you find a therapist with a total warmonger, or you guys might have different views, right? If you are religious faith is really important to you and the person is a hard-nosed atheist, you may have a difficult time connecting. So I would really identify what are your core values? What are their core values? And, if it’s important or germane to what it is you’re going to therapy for, I would make those kind of non-negotiables, as you as you’re going through that.

Dave Braun
00:07:47
Yeah. That totally makes sense because really when you think about it, Larry, I guess having a therapist or being in a mastermind or a coach, whatever, they are gonna be part of your team to help you perform better.

Larry Broughton
00:08:04
Yeah. You need to hire them just like they’re a new team member.

Dave Braun
00:08:07
Yeah. You really do. So it makes a lot of sense to do that.

Larry Broughton
00:08:10
Yeah. So, find out what is their area of expertise. If you’re going to therapy, as you said, you were using the example of being a people pleaser, you might wanna say, I think this is my issue or you say, Hey, I think it’s related to the sexual trauma that I’ve had, I think it’s related to post traumatic stress. You really are gonna have to find out from the therapist, is this an area that they’re an expert on? But Dave, one of the things that differentiate the good from the bad is the price point. Price is definitely something that you have to consider when it comes to therapy. Because the truth is that therapy can be really expensive. Some therapists will take insurance, but others are gonna be absolutely private fee-based. And some things that you need to figure out is that in some states, if you use insurance, then the confidentiality aspect between patient and provider is sometimes negated.

Larry Broughton
00:09:10
You need to be aware of that. So like your records could be subpoenaed if you use insurance because there’s a waiver in there if you look at the fine print, not all states, some states, you just have to be careful with that. So some are insurance, will take insurance. Some are just absolutely private fee-based. Some will have a sliding scale based on your own income. So you need to talk about that. And if they don’t take insurance, Dave, and they don’t have a sliding scale— I have seen where junior practitioners in their office might be available, where they have an expert supervisor. That might be a way to make it a little bit more affordable. If you’re in a spiritual community, many pastors, priests, and rabbis have a background in at least marriage and family counseling. They may not have been licensed in it, but there’s some kind of training or certificate that goes along with it. Make sure that you consider that stuff as well. I know I’m just shooting from the hip here.

Dave Braun
01:10:19
Yeah. I mean, that

Larry Broughton
01:10:20
That makes sense, so far?

Dave Braun
01:10:21
Yeah. That totally makes sense. Now, one of the things Larry and let me know what you think about this is if we’re hiring a team member to help us in our business or whatever, then generally we will get recommendations or will have somebody help us search.

Larry Broughton
01:10:41
Yeah.

Dave Braun
01:10:42
So would you still recommend doing something like that?

Larry Broughton
01:10:45
Absolutely. You know, it’s just like a lot of it is gonna come from your gut, but I would go with somebody you trust, you know, birds of a feather, kind of flock together. And so, if you’ve got a sexual trauma and you’ve shared that with someone else and they may know someone, but oftentimes yes, ask for recommendations for sure. If it’s appropriate, if it’s the first time you’ve ever shared it, you’re gonna have to find somebody. Don’t be afraid to go to someone, if it’s not working go someplace else. I can tell you, the first couple of therapists or first, at least three that I went to, I didn’t connect with. I felt like they wanted to hear more stories about, whatever my life than they actually wanted to help. I remember one guy wanted, I forget what the type of therapy is, but he wanted me to like role play and all this kind of crazy stuff.

Larry Broughton
01:11:37
I shouldn’t say crazy stuff, it felt crazy to me and it wasn’t where I was at the time. And I just didn’t feel comfortable with it at the time. But now, I’m willing to try just about anything. I’ve done it, you know, enough over the years. But I like to say, my friends, I’m not who I used to be. Because I have changed. So yes, Dave, I think you really do need to have recommendations. The great thing nowadays is that there’s Yelp and there’s on all kinds of online reviews for folks. I wouldn’t get so wrapped up necessarily in education and background. Yes, there’s value to it but I’ve gone to licensed clinical psychologists and found they were okay. And I’ve gone to other people who are whatever the ranking is below that, and they’ve been better. You have to go out and try a few different people. Like you wanted to test drive a car, for crying out loud, I hope that you’re not saying, oh no, go get a new car today, and you’ve done no research. And you go by the very first car you ever sat in. That’s not a smart way to go about therapy, you know?

Dave Braun
01:12:51
So one of the things that we do in the HireMyVA Program is typically when you come to us in the White Glove Services, we will give you three candidates from which you can choose.

Larry Broughton
01:13:00
Yeah. Sure.

Dave Braun
01:13:01
And it seems like you would want to have that same approach with the therapist. Maybe try to find three people. And you recommend going to like a session or two with each of them and then choosing or what do you want.

Larry Broughton
01:13:11
You gotta find what works for you, okay? I end up, as I said, I think I’ve gone to three different ones over the years. And in the beginning, when I didn’t know a lot about it, the first one I went to— I went to two sessions that was a bunch of crap. And so that was my excuse, oh, therapy’s not gonna work for me. But if I use that same example like, I test drove a car and didn’t like the car, I’m never gonna drive again, look, I drove that car and it didn’t work. That’s an excuse, is what you’re doing. But the other thing, Dave, is what we need to keep in mind. Like right now we’ve been kind of alluding to like just talk therapy, one-on-one, talk therapy. Sometimes that’s exactly what we should be doing, but not always. Straight talk therapy might not work for you.

Larry Broughton
01:14:04
Especially for those who’ve tried it in the past and it hasn’t worked. There’s art therapy, there’s mindfulness meditation. By the way, you can find all this stuff on YouTube. What is art therapy? How do I do it? There are like groups that do this. There’s group therapy, there is like recovery programs out there. There is animal-assisted psychotherapy. You know, you’ve seen service animals, those types of things. But there are a lot of people who find that talk therapy either isn’t enough, or it just can, it can only get them so far. We need to pay attention to other aspects of our brain, Dave, and our hearts and our bodies than just the rational thinking verbal part of it. One of the things that I’ve started recently, I’ve had two sessions so far, is EMDR therapy. That might be new for a lot of folks.

Larry Broughton
01:15:07
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, basically use the same process you have in REM sleep. And it’s a psychotherapy that allows folks to heal from the symptoms of emotional distress that come from disturbing life experiences. It was really associated, or the success of it was associated with folks who were experiencing post-traumatic stress from military service or from sexual trauma. And now it’s used for a lot of different things. So I would really encourage folks to consider EMDR therapy if there’s been a particularly traumatizing situation in their life.

Dave Braun
01:15:56
I’ve also heard of tapping.

Larry Broughton
01:16:00
Yep.

Dave Braun
01:16:00
And I’ve heard a lot of people have some good success with that.

Larry Broughton
01:16:04
Yeah. Dave, another thing to consider besides the tapping and the talk therapy, I have seen this advertisement—I’ve not done it. I do know someone who has used these is that when you consider that some of the biggest barriers to Talk therapy is the cost and the social stigma. If somebody knows I’m in therapy, they’re gonna think that I’m crazy. But there are alternatives to that. The two that come to mind that I know someone who’s used, but I’ve seen advertisements for both are Talkspace and BetterHelp, they’re apps where you do remote therapy sessions through secure video chat platforms or through texting platforms. And so the cost is much cheaper. And I’ve heard one kind of describe it, It’s kind of like a therapist in your pocket because you can do it right from your phone.

Dave Braun
01:17:07
That makes sense.

Larry Broughton
01:17:08
So, people that are traveling a lot, like the one person I know that uses it, is on the road constantly. And they’ve got some issues with flying in groups and being around people, but that’s what they have to do. That’s their career. That’s the business that they have. And so they’ve always got that person kind of in their pocket. So that’s something to consider. The interesting thing is Dave, I think the stigma that used to go along with mental health 30 years ago has been diminished greatly. And it’s easier now than ever to access therapy. Again, through group therapy, recovery programs, religious institutions at your synagogue, or it’s your church, through masterminds. There are so many ways to get help with your mental health. So I’m encouraged, as I said, I don’t know many high performers, Dave, who are living their life of significance, their business is performing well, their romantic life as well, who haven’t, or aren’t doing some form of therapy.

Dave Braun
01:18:24
Yeah. That makes sense.

Larry Broughton
01:18:25
It’s as important as working out or eating the right foods. Right?

Dave Braun
01:18:30
Yeah. So, Larry, there are so many choices. I think that was a good analogy, eating the right food. There are so many different foods we can eat to get ourselves healthy. There are so many types of different types of workouts to be healthy, people swear by weights or aerobics or Tennis or whatever. So there are so many different types of therapy that you talked about. How would somebody just get started? Would you pick one, would you do some research and see, Hmm, this might make the most sense, let me look into that, or just try them out or how would you go about it?

Larry Broughton
01:19:06
You’re gonna have to find what you’re comfortable with at first and what your budget can afford. I’m one of those folks where I’m almost a little embarrassed to say this, I’ll pay the most that I can afford at the time, to get the expert. I want access to the highest quality treatment that I can get based on what my budget can provide at the time. Not that just money equals expertise. You’ve gotta do a little bit of research. So I don’t have a blanket answer for you, Dave, because some people may have to ease into this. They’re maybe like me like I had to do group recovery stuff first. Going to a 12-step program and realizing, oh wow, this actually, I didn’t feel comfortable at first, I’m feeling more comfortable with it now.

Larry Broughton
02:20:03
And then going there and asking lots of questions to everybody, become a student of life. I heard about EMDR just through…I don’t know where I even heard. Oh, I’ve heard about it through folks that I know who had been really, suffering is the right word, suffering through post-traumatic stress. And they talked about EMDR therapy. And so then I asked my therapist about it and he said, oh yeah there’s somebody in my practice, that’s what she specializes in. So I did some research, talked to her on the phone, went in, and did some research. But there’s this thing, Dave, that you may never have heard of before, it’s called the internet, the world wide web.

Dave Braun
02:20:49
Yeah.

Larry Broughton
02:20:50
I know it’s a fad but I would just start searching, and identify like the question had to do with therapy and entrepreneurs. But you know, mental health for entrepreneurs, mental health practitioners for entrepreneurs in my area, talk therapy, whatever it is, I would start there. But you’ve gotta have—This is kind of life thing, Dave. I would start talking to people that trusted allies of yours, not necessarily friends, if you catch that, friends aren’t always allies.

Dave Braun
02:21:27
So you’re basically saying somebody who will ask you questions and tell you the truth?

Larry Broughton
02:21:32
That’s right. Friends don’t always tell you the truth. And allies will have your back. So if you have professional mentors, I had asked them. Your mentor is not worth their weight, if they are not willing to share this stuff with you, or they say, Hmm, I don’t know, I’ve never done this before, I would never have never considered it. Like, okay, maybe we need to talk, do you have a referral for me? Don’t be afraid to ask for referrals.

Dave Braun
02:22:05
Okay.

Larry Broughton
02:22:06
And I would start there.

Dave Braun
02:22:09
Okay. The final, quick question that I think you can answer hopefully quickly is, how do you know that it’s working? That you should keep going or try something different?

Larry Broughton
02:22:22
Yeah. That’s a really good question. Over time you should be able to sleep better, breathe well, pressure is taken off, and you’re not flipping your lid over the things that you used to feel. I could tell you years ago when I started this, I mean, my kids were saying, you seem happier.

Larry Broughton
02:22:43
I’ve had team members, like ones who have been around for a long time who make comments on it. You’re not as stressed, you’re not cutting people off in traffic like you used to. It’s just like a pressure valve has been released a little bit. Believe me and I should say this. If you are having suicidal ideations, you must reach out to someone. There are suicide hotlines that are out there. They’ll never know who you are, but you can at least start the process. And I’m gonna say it again, I’m not an expert at this, I’ve just been through it. But suicidal ideation is, if you are having suicidal ideations, you have to get help. There are too many good things in life for you.

Larry Broughton
02:23:35
There are too many people that you need to serve. This is the season that you’re in right now. And if you feel like this has been, well, this is my life, then you really need to reach out. You really have to. The great thing is that when you’re on the other side, Dave, because I’ve been on the dark side and I’ve been on the light side. And there’s sometimes where you get really comfortable in the dark side and we almost revel in it. Because it’s what we know. But being on the light side, the only thing, the best way I can describe it, is it’s much better over on this side than on the other side. And I remember the first time when I was really deep and dark, Dave, when there was a— the only way I think to that is there was a vapor, there was just a vapor of peace.

Larry Broughton
02:24:21
There was a glimmer of hope. And oh my gosh, I’d never felt that before. And it was enough to encourage me for a long time. So I started searching for that. The sense of worry starts to go away, the temperature goes down, and anxiety levels drop a little bit. And I guess I would be Remis to mention that you may just need medication. I’m not a big one, I’m pushing medications first, at all. Oftentimes, the effects that you get from physical exertion exercise, where you get hits of dopamine and serotonin and adrenaline in your system, oftentimes are equal to the effects that you get from cocaine, for instance. You get a high from it. And I don’t know a therapy that’s worth their weight either that they’re not gonna recommend, okay, just come in and just do talk therapy with me once a week, Dave, and then we’ll fix it. The good ones are gonna be asking about your diet, about your exercise, about your sleep. It’s part of a holistic approach.

Dave Braun
02:25:34
Oh, that’s good to know.

Larry Broughton
02:25:34
Mental health.

Dave Braun
02:25:35
That’s really good to know too. Good advice on that.

Larry Broughton
02:25:39
All right.

Dave Braun
02:25:40
All right.

Larry Broughton
02:25:45
Again, my friends, I gotta say it one more time. I am not a licensed clinician, okay? Do the research on your own.

Dave Braun
02:25:55
All right. Makes sense. Well, thank you guys for joining us for this really cool discussion we had about therapy, and it really is a great idea for you to get to your maximum potential just to maybe at least have a coach, talk to somebody in some way, or form to think through or maybe there are some barriers that are keeping you from getting to your full potential. Like, I feel like mine, I’ve got a few, I think. But remember to help you get your potential, there is a key way to do that and that’s building a team, and it is the way to reclaim your freedom. And of course, we’re here to help you with our course and community and our White Glove Service, where we find a rockstar VA for you. So three things we’d love for you to do, and we’d really appreciate it.

Dave Braun
02:26:39
Number one, subscribe to the podcast if you haven’t already done so, either on your iPhone or your Android phone. Also, do YouTube, hit the subscribe button, and click on the little bell next to it to get reminders. The second thing is, give us a rating, preferably five star, leave a comment below this video on YouTube, anything. It helps us get the word out. And then number three, go to Hiremyva.com for more information on our course and community and our White Glove Service. And remember, even without experience, you’ll learn how to prepare for hire and thrive with virtual assistants. And Larry, you know, we’re enjoying helping a bunch of folks. We wanna help you guys too, who are listening if you aren’t already in our tribe. So just go to Hiremyva.com for more you information.

Larry Broughton
02:27:25
Yeah. And I would just remind you of folks. We love you. We really do. We wanna serve you. And mental health oftentimes begins right here in our own heads. And if we allowed other folks to speak to us the way we often speak to ourselves, we’d slap them. So start bringing more positive stuff into your brain and remember that there is no higher calling than serving other folks. So, God bless you. God keep you. God hold you. We will see you the next time. Bye.

Dave Braun
02:27:55
Okay. Bye, everybody.

 

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