HireMyVA Podcast

HireMyVA Podcast 147- How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty or Hurting Someone’s Feelings

Listen To The Audio

Watch The Video

Episode Summary

Saying no is difficult! When we say yes, we feel great because it puts us in "Hero" mode. We all aspire to be the hero, despite the fact that some of us do so more than others. Simply said, there are too many opportunities available to us for us to accept them all and still be productive.

We all frequently have too much on our plates, which is why we DESIRE the ability to say "NO."

So, when do we say NO?

1st - You've got to have your Mission/Vision/Core Values identified so that you can filter requests through them.

2nd - You’ve got to know what things in your calendar are super important, things that you rarely will skip to ensure you understand your sanctuaries and schedule time around them.

3rd- You have to figure out your goals for the month/quarter/year etc.

RESOURCES
========================
Looking for bite-size nuggets of learning for leaders and high-achievers? Go to
https://yoogozi.com/

Learn more about our course and community, and our White Glove Service:
https://hiremyva.com

Need a website you can be proud of? Let us help you.
https://prowebsitecreators.com

Looking for a business mentor that will surely propel you to success? Check out Larry's site.
https://larrybroughton.me

Learn more about Larry Broughton
========================
Website: https://larrybroughton.me
Instagram: https://bit.ly/3vXPEoT
LinkedIn: https://bit.ly/3pIXjq8
Facebook: https://bit.ly/3pKVxEU

Learn more about Dave Braun
========================
Website: https://prowebsitecreators.com/about
LinkedIn: https://bit.ly/3EpvoQe

#HireMyVA
#VirtualAssistant
#howtosayno

Episode Transcription

Dave Braun
00:00:03
Hello, everyone. Welcome to the HireMyVA Team and Business Building Podcast brought to you by Yoogozi.com. And in this podcast and at HireMyVA, we help you to reclaim your freedom through hiring and thriving with Virtual Assistants without breaking the bank. And that means your bank. I gotta take a breath. Hey folks, I’m Dave Braun and as usual, I’m here with Larry Broughton, my fantastic friend, and mentor, traveling with me through life and you’ve coached thousands of people to be successful. Not only in their businesses, but in their lives. I can remember. Oh my gosh. We’ve made so much of a difference. Especially some of the folks that saving their marriages, etcetera. It’s just been great.

Larry Broughton
00:00:48
Crazy, isn’t it? It’s crazy.

Dave Braun
00:00:49
Yeah. It is. I can’t say enough how awesome this ride’s been with you.

Larry Broughton
00:00:57
Yeah. Thanks, handsome, Dave. I know, I’m blown away oftentimes too. I was in that same spot where we think that we’re gonna get into these executive coaching or mentoring programs to help my business. And then when we start looking, it’s like, dude, or do that, if you wanna become a better business person, you need to be a better person. And we forget that we we’re leaving broken relationships in our awake. And so I love the approach that we take with folks. Let’s help people become better humans. And the corollary benefit is you become a better entrepreneur and better business owner in the meantime. So thank you, Dave. It’s great to be a traveling companion with you. And I appreciate your bride Cheryl, for putting up with me and the other guys.

Dave Braun
00:01:50
And me—

Larry Broughton
00:01:51
Yeah.

Dave Braun
00:01:51
—too.

Larry Broughton
00:01:52
Yeah, well, exactly. Yes. All right. What’s our question today, David?

Dave Braun
00:01:58
Well, the question is, how can I say no without feeling guilty or hurting someone’s feelings? Now, that deserves a second repeat here, that’s a first repeat, whatever. Let me say it again. How can I say no without feeling guilty or hurting someone’s feelings?

Larry Broughton
00:02:18
Wow. This is a good one. This is a really good one. Because we hear it all the time, Dave. Whenever the topic of— I’m gonna use this term because what people understand, time management comes in or out overwhelm and we start peeling back the onion. Isn’t it always because, not always, oftentimes because people say yes to too much and saying, no, is hard, It’s hard. We’re afraid we’re gonna hurt someone’s feelings. And oftentimes it goes even deeper than that, is that we have a hero or Messiah complex. If we say yes to everything, then we look like the good guy.

Dave Braun
00:02:57
That’s right.

Larry Broughton
00:02:58
Yeah. In the meantime we’re getting resentful, you know, we’re snapping, we’re not getting things done. So saying no is a really critical, important ingredient to success and living a life of significance. You gotta be able to say no.

Dave Braun
00:03:16
And sometimes we’re thinking of saying no and yes as binary meaning. But it’s not. Sometimes, you gotta say no to somebody who may wanna buy your product or service for a lesser amount, then you feel good about giving him, but you want to be a nice person and you don’t want to have conflict and you really want to help ’em. Well, guess what can happen? Feelings of resentment can come in later on when you know, no matter how you say yes. If it’s not a good yes. I would say you can easily feel resentment.

Larry Broughton
00:03:56
Yeah. Well this is where the nuance comes in

Larry Broughton
00:03:58
in life. And I’ve spent a lot of time in this over the years. In fact, you and I were meeting with this 26-year-old, 23-year-old mentee of mine. When was it? Last Friday. And he kind of on the fly. He said, oh yeah, Larry, you’re really good at wording things. Because I know that words cut deep. Now, you can say no and sound like a jerk, or you can say no and make people feel good about it. You know, I remember having to terminate a couple of people. And my old office is, the CFO’s office was right next to mine. And I had to let go a senior executive at one point. And the CFO said, oh, this is gonna be really difficult. Like unprepared. The CFO was just there as a witness because our VP of people development is what we used to call the HR,

Larry Broughton
00:05:01
was out of the office. But when you take time to structure your sentences appropriately, people can actually feel good. And on the way out of the door, this former VP gave me a hug and said, oh—he actually felt good about it. So there are ways not to be manipulative necessarily, but to help people feel good about themselves. And you feel good about yourself at the same time because no is one of those negative words. Now there are times when you have to say no, like no means no, there are times you have to do that. But there are ways to make everyone feel good about it at the same time.

Dave Braun
00:05:43
Yeah. And we’re not talking about the fact, you know, I talk about my grandson every now and then. We’re not talking about the fact that I say no to my grandson for wanting to put his hand on the burner, on the stove that’s on, that’s not what we’re talking about here. I mean there’s times when you have to say no that it’s like, it’s gotta be emphatic and it’s for everybody’s health and there’s no way you can do an excuse at that moment.

Larry Broughton
00:06:15
No.

Dave Braun
00:06:15
Let me say it this way. You can’t wordsmith it there. And there’s no reason to because it’s such an important or it’s an emergency situation or something like that. You just gotta—

Larry Broughton
00:06:30
What we’re talking about is saying no to opportu what opportunities. That’s what we’re talking about. And oftentimes folks will say, if it’s not a hell yes. Then it needs to be a no.

Dave Braun
00:06:41
Yeah.

Larry Broughton
00:06:42
That’s what we’re talking about. Like going to an event or participating in a panel discussion or joining this board. What looks like it might be an opportunity to grow when it really says one more thing on your calendar. That’s what we’re talking about saying no to. Right?

Dave Braun
00:07:02
Right.

Larry Broughton
00:07:02
Because if you say yes to everything, listen, the more in demand you become, the more in demand you will be. Because people will see you as you’re a heightened profile and everyone wants a Rockstar on their team. So the higher, the more visible you become, the more people come, they’re gonna want a piece of you. And if you say yes to everything, you’re not gonna have time to do anything.

Dave Braun
00:07:32
Yeah. As, you become more successful, as people know you, as you demonstrate capability and follow through and all that stuff and everything that you do with not just your business, but with your family, your volunteer opportunities, they’re gonna want to keep adding more to your plate. Because they see that you’re successful in this one area or you did this great over here, you did this great. And then all of a sudden they’re gonna say, you know, I’m going to do this new thing, I wanna have this person help me with that. And by the way, they’d wanna do it for free or low cost or something.

Larry Broughton
00:08:07
Yeah.

Dave Braun
00:08:08
Yeah. And I think one of the things that we should remember is one of the best business books that we both read, Jim Collins’s Good to Great, what’s his first sentence in that book. I just always remember it because it’s so important. He says good is the enemy of great. If we’re gonna be great, there’s gonna be times when we’ve gotta say no to the good.

Larry Broughton
00:08:33
Yes.

Dave Braun
00:08:33
And one of the things too is that, in our modern society, this is kind of a problem that, it’s not that very old. It’s only the last few generations. Even going to our parents, what opportunities did they have to do things? There weren’t that many, there are so many only so many jobs, and professions. There are only so many volunteer organizations that existed back then. But now, there are nonprofits coming out our ears. There are so many and there are great ones that you can volunteer for.

Larry Broughton
00:09:16
Yeah. In the course of history, we are in a very unique time. And we forget about this, it’s only been the last less than a hundred years where we have not been in survival mode every day. Like literally, it was a couple of hundred years ago when you had to go chopped down trees for fuel, you couldn’t get educated. You were absolutely in survival mode constantly. And though it’s plagues and wars and all that kind of stuff. And now there’s a lot of freedom. Technology and entrepreneurship are brought. And so now we have opportunities to serve and believe me, people want you, if you are a rockstar, they’re gonna want you on your team. But we need to set up filters.

Dave Braun
00:09:57
That’s a good one.

Larry Broughton
00:09:57
When do I say yes and when do I say no to things? I shared this story oftentimes. I used to belong on a bunch of boards and I was really freaking overwhelmed because we were growing our company and I was driving to a board meeting and I got on the OnRamp. When the OnRamp switched around and head north between Newport beach and Huntington beach and the 4 0 5 was just backed up. And I knew I was gonna be late for this board meeting. I literally just got off the next, offramp and headed back to the office. And before I got back to the office, I’d already called and resigned from four different boards that I was on. It was just, that there was too much stress in my life. And what I was not doing, Dave is doing this first filter. How do these yeses align with my vision, mission and values for my life in business?

Dave Braun
01:10:58
Right.

Larry Broughton
01:10:59
Because if they don’t align with that or they don’t support your goals, that’s an easy, no.

Dave Braun
01:11:07
Yeah.

Larry Broughton
01:11:08
But for me, I was honored that people would want me to be on their board. But did it really fit? I was flattered that people were inviting me to events. But did I have time for it? Did it fit? Did it serve what I was doing, or did it just fuel my ego?

Dave Braun
01:11:24
Yeah.

Larry Broughton
01:11:25
And that’s the hard mirror to look into sometimes.

Dave Braun
01:11:29
Yeah. Because every yes you say will feed into your ego. It really will.

Larry Broughton
01:11:35
Yeah. For sure.

Dave Braun
01:11:38
I’ll piggyback on that, say you’ve got something and it fits within your vision, mission, and core values because that’s a great filter. I love it. But then at some point, even if you’re thinking about saying yes, you have to realize that when you say yes to one thing, you’re just gonna automatically say no to another.

Larry Broughton
01:11:58
Do you have to? Because there are only so many hours in the day.

Dave Braun
01:12:01
Yeah. And most of us are already pretty busy. Now, there are some things that you can say no to that would probably make sense. Like watching TV, that kind of a thing, but generally most of us are pretty darn busy. So we’ve gotta say no to most likely something else that’s pretty good.

Larry Broughton
01:12:23
Yeah. You know, your calendar is another filter. I’m trying to do is like, okay, how do we do this, Dave? You’re better at it than I am, but you’re really good at scheduling recuperation and sanctuary time is kind of what I refer to it as— like these are non-negotiables, I spend Fridays doing this, I spend between this hour doing this. Don’t ask me to do stuff during that time. And if there’s a conflict, it’s an easy no. Right?

Dave Braun
01:12:56
Yeah. I was just laughing because you’re right. It’s like I schedule between one and two every day for lunch and taking a short nap. I rarely let something go on to that rarely.

Larry Broughton
01:13:08
And that’s important because you realize that your overall productivity, health, and happiness are directly tied to that.

Dave Braun
01:13:16
Yeah. So that’s another good. That’s a great second filter is the calendar.

Larry Broughton
01:13:21
Yeah. But what that means is like Bob Beal, an early mentor of mine, used to talk about how he would take time off during the fourth quarter of each year and plan out his next year.

Larry Broughton
01:13:35
Like vacations. Vacations with he and his bride and time away were very important. He’s a prolific author. And he knew that he had to schedule, I think he called it cabin time or something. He had a cabin on a lake and that cabin time meant that he was gonna be writing. Nothing but nothing moved those cabin times. Because if they did, he didn’t get his books written, he didn’t get his books written. His livelihood was impacted. So scheduling those sanctuary times is really important. Now, here’s the thing, do as I say, not as I do, that’s what my father used to say. I am not so good at that. I’m not, but I know I should be better at it, but I do look to people like Bob Beal who are much more disciplined about this stuff and see the productivity that you guys had like, this is important stuff. Right?

Dave Braun
01:14:24
Yeah.

Larry Broughton
01:14:24
Yeah.

Dave Braun
01:14:26
So you talked about that the first filter is kind of your vision, mission, and core values. And second is your calendar. And then related to what you’re saying, so you’re saying like the third might be like what Bob did with his goals and figuring those things out.

Larry Broughton
01:14:39
Sure. Yeah. I was counting on it on just the time away is the calendar thing, but yeah, you’re right. They need to be tied to goals for sure. So goals will be a great third filter.

Dave Braun
01:14:50
Yeah. Okay.

Larry Broughton
01:14:53
Whether you do quarterly goals, which you and I push a lot now, 12-week goals versus 12 month goals. Things move too quickly. Things do dynamic now. But tying those to your goals would be very important, for sure.

Dave Braun
01:15:11
Yep. Well, I think we ought to get into some ways to say no without feeling guilty because right now I’m sure a lot of you are gonna have something that’s gonna come up today or tomorrow, or you’re thinking something in the back of your mind. For me, there’s an organization I’m involved in that’s a volunteer organization, we talked about it a little bit before, but I’m the vice president of it. And I know what’s gonna happen in like six months is they’re gonna ask me to be president when the current president rotates off. I’m almost positive that they will. So then I should be thinking ahead, how am I gonna say no? Or should I say no? But let’s assume I’m gonna say no, which we’ll see. But so what do you think are some ways that we can say no without feeling guilty or maybe even like what you did with that team member kind of saying no, but making them feel good at the end of it.

Larry Broughton
01:16:14
Well, let me do a little bit of pimping first, Dave. You and I are avid readers and avid listeners to podcasts and books. And you know, I forget what one of the top listener’s ratings are on audible, but I’m one of those guys. I’ve listened to so many audible books. And so a lot of this stuff I think you and I can kind of tap into from a couple of books, one is Rory Vaden’s book, Procrastinates on Purpose. That’s really important. That might be a good one for us to talk about here a little bit. But Jordan Raynor’s Redeeming Your Time is a good one as well. Dave, you and I are gonna be doing a book club starting here pretty soon. And so for folks who wanna kind of dive a little bit deeper into some of the books that we are constantly referring to on this podcast, that might be an opportunity.

Larry Broughton
01:17:08
There’ll be live events. And I think our first one is gonna be in September, where we’re just gonna take a few hours and do an 80/20 principle on a book called Brain Rules. That’ll be our first one. And the way we’re gonna do this thing is that it’s not just gonna be that we’re gonna sit there like some book clubs and we take turns and reading the book or coming in and discussing the book. We’d like you to read the book beforehand, but you’re not gonna have to read the book because we’re gonna do an 80/20 on it. We’re gonna share the 20%, of what we think are most important parts of the book that are gonna give you 80% of the results on it. So I would kinda say that as we’re thinking about this topic, Procrastinate On Purpose comes to mind as well as Redeeming Your Time.

Larry Broughton
01:17:54
So what, how do we start this thing? Well, listen, here’s an example instead of just saying, yes, I’ll do whatever it is that you want me to do. And I promise you this, once you start implementing these, you’re gonna find freedom and you’re gonna find a little bit of confidence start to grow in in you. Now, I would challenge you how many things can you say no to this week? Start keeping track of them. But the first thing you do, if somebody says, Hey, will you do this for me? Or will you join me on this? You can start by saying this, instead of coming right out and saying no, because that can be hurtful. You can say, Hey listen, Dave, as much as I’d like to help you out, I just simply can’t do it right now. I don’t have that much time in my schedule. As much as I’d like to, I just simply can’t.

Dave Braun
01:18:43
Yeah. That’s a good one.

Larry Broughton
01:18:43
Simply unable.

Dave Braun
01:18:44
That’s a good one.

Larry Broughton
01:18:45
That’s a good way to kind of start. So practice that. Maybe Dave, what we can do is give a bunch of examples of what to say. Folks, you can write these down or hit rewind and listen to it again and just start trying to work these into your vernacular.

Dave Braun
01:19:01
Yeah. And I think practice.

Larry Broughton
01:19:04
Practice it. Sure.

Dave Braun
01:19:04
Definitely practice because, in the heat of the moment, you’re gonna go back to your old programming, so you gotta practice ahead of time.

Larry Broughton
01:19:11
Yeah.

Dave Braun
01:19:12
So, Larry, another one would be I’m sorry, I just prefer not to ______.

Larry Broughton
01:19:19
Yeah. The whole, I prefer not to, is gonna take some guts to do. But I would encourage you to do this. And one of the things I try to be cognizant of because my entire life, I know this, it’s I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m telling everybody I’m sorry. But things I have no control over Dave. And there are times when you do need to say, I’m sorry. Like if I hurt you, if I hurt your feelings by something that I did, I do need to say I’m sorry. But something like this, Dave, it’s not something that you need to apologize for. You don’t need to say I’m sorry. Well you could say, Dave, similarly to this is say, thanks for understanding, but I just prefer not to, or I hope that you’ll understand, I prefer not to do that, it doesn’t align with the goals that I’ve got for for that week.

Larry Broughton
02:20:05
I would rather you do that and be direct than—I’ve done this too, where I’ve lied, where I’ve said I’m gonna be out of town or I’ve got speaking engagement. And then what happens? Invariably, you see that person. I’ve had that happen to me a bunch of times in my life. And so I’ve tried to live by one of Jordan Peterson’s 12 rules for life, is don’t lie or at least try to tell the truth. Because there are times, let’s be honest, there are times in life when everyone lies. But instead of saying I’m sorry about everything. Just say, I hope you’ll understand. I just prefer not to do that because it doesn’t align with whatever.

Dave Braun
02:20:50
Yeah. You could always have a legitimate reason when you say I prefer not to because blank, blank, blank. You can do that but it’s gotta be your reason. Like on the volunteer things that I do, I’ve said, you know, I’d love to right now, but I prefer not to because two of us doing it together is much better than just one of us.

Larry Broughton
02:21:20
Yep. Here’s a good example of this. I was asked to be on a board and I don’t just say yes to going on boards anymore. So I say, well, what do you need? What you’re looking for for this board? Well, we need somebody to come out and help us raise money. And so what I said to them is, well, I hope you’ll understand, but that’s just something that is not within my strengths. I know someone who can do that and I can make a couple of recommendations, but I hope you understand. That’s just way outside of what I’m good at. I was tempted to say yes again because it was a high profile company that we would all know. So that’s something, it falls outside my strengths.

Dave Braun
02:22:06
Yeah. That’s a good one. And that implies that you gotta understand your strengths.

Larry Broughton
02:22:11
Yes, it does. But if anyone who’s been following us for a while, yes you should know your strengths at this point.

Dave Braun
02:22:18
Yeah. Another one would be, you know, I’m afraid, I simply lack the bandwidth right now to commit to doing this.

Larry Broughton
02:22:26
That’s kinda a calendar thing. I just don’t have the margin and listen, when my son died—

Dave Braun
02:22:31
You could say, I just don’t have the margin in my calendar to do it right now.

Larry Broughton
02:22:35
That’s right. So early this year after my son was killed, there were a lot of people that still hadn’t heard and they were asking me to do things, even simple things like going to a movie with them or hanging out. And I would say, you know, hope you understand. I just lack the emotional and time bandwidth right now. That bandwidth thing I like, Dave, and the margin thing. I just lack the emotional margin in bandwidth right now. I just can’t. I really appreciate the invite. I just am not able to do it.

Dave Braun
02:23:06
You know, one of the things you put a qualifier on there. I like the emotional bandwidth. I never even thought of that before. That’s a good thing to say or I just like the energy bandwidth or whatever it is.

Larry Broughton
02:23:22
I’m running on fumes. I hope you understand

Dave Braun
02:23:25
I’m running on fumes and I just can’t add any extra thing on my plate right now or my business or my family or something is in survival mode and I just can’t add one extra thing to my plate.

Larry Broughton
02:23:38
Yeah. And again, you, and I are kind of become notorious for saying it depends, on a lot of things. And it does depend on who’s asking you. So if it’s someone that you don’t know, they’ve never met you and they’re asking right outta the gate, like I had a guy come up to me several years ago and I was a speaker at an event. And one of the other speakers of the event was offering this $25,000 program. And this guy didn’t have $25,000. And I didn’t even meet this guy. And he came up to me that the sponsor was offering a coaching program. And this guy who was in the audience came up to me and asked whether he could borrow $25,000 from me. And I’d never even met the dude.

Dave Braun
02:24:16
Never met him.

Larry Broughton
02:24:17
Goodness, never been met him. Well, you’re rich. By the way, that’s the wild assumption that you’re making there, that I’ve got $25,000 laying around that I’m gonna give to somebody. I could be much more direct with him than I would with somebody that’s in my life that I love that I care for. But when it is someone that’s not as like in your inner circle, there’s no reason that you can’t say something like, that’s just not an interest I have.

Dave Braun
02:24:47
Yeah.

Larry Broughton
02:24:48
So I’m gonna understand. I’m gonna have to bow out. I hope you’ll consider someone else, but that’s just not something that interests me.

Dave Braun
02:24:58
Yeah. That’s a good one. And I wanna take your example a little bit further where you talked about some of coming and asking for $25,000 that you didn’t even know. Well, if you don’t have a good grip on being able to say no to somebody, then you could be saying, okay, well, you know, tell me more about what you need and then, alright, well then maybe we need to meet for coffee. And then pretty soon you were down this whole time-sucking path. You never even wanted to start on at the beginning.

Larry Broughton
02:25:32
Well, it does take guts. And this is one that kind of goes along with that, where being really direct and just saying, that’s just not something I wanna do. That takes courage to say that. If you are one of those people, like I used to be, and say yes to everything, I wouldn’t suggest that this should not be your opening salvo on the new you. Work up to this one. That’s just something that doesn’t interest me.

Dave Braun
02:26:04
Yeah. And another good one that’s kind of related to the calendar. It’s a little bit different take on it, but this is one where you could say I’m really stretched thin right now. And I promised myself, I wouldn’t take on anything else.

Larry Broughton
02:26:18
I love that.

Dave Braun
02:26:19
What I like about that is you’re saying, and I promised myself, I wouldn’t take on anything else. So it’s almost implied that with the person asking you, if they try to convince you, they want you to break your promise to yourself.

Larry Broughton
02:26:34
Yeah. I’ve heard you say something similar to that, Dave, where you put another caveat on that and you say, but let me pray about that and I’ll get back to you in a couple of days. There might be someone I know who can help you with that, where it lets them know if it’s— Again if this is someone you’ve never met before, you don’t need to do this. But if someone who’s in your circle and you say, and you honestly do it, think about it, meditate on it, pray about it, then offer some other guidance. Because you can still help someone out without dedicating whatever, a board meeting position is or going to an event or whatever the challenge is that’s just not doesn’t fit with you. But the difference there is, you’re not saying it’s not an outright now, it’s not like, I’m not gonna help you at all. You’re saying I can’t help you in the way you’re asking me, but I can offer you help by meditating, thinking on it, praying on it, getting back to in a couple of days with some alternative.

Dave Braun
02:27:36
Yeah. And I really like to, and sometimes I’ve done this and sometimes I’ve not. But then I really like to, at the end of that, say, instead of me saying, I’ll get back to you in a couple of days, I will ask them, why don’t you get back to me in about two or three days?

Larry Broughton
02:27:52
That’s even better.

Dave Braun
02:27:53
Because that way, the onus is on them. And then if they never get back to you, well obviously they found somebody else or it’s not that important to them.

Larry Broughton
02:28:04
Yeah. You know, prior to the pandemic, I found myself constantly being asked to do things, to donate things, to participate in things after my budget and goals were already set for the next coming quarter or the next year. And so prior to the new Larry from a few years ago, being able to say no to people. I was always saying, yes, I had to get to the point to say, listen, my goals for the next quarter or the next year, my budget for the next quarter or the next year have already been set but if you’ll put this in writing to me and you’d consider working with me or asking me again next year, I’ve got a binder that I go through with my team and we’ll consider this the next time around. If it’s for a donation or sitting on a charity event board or something like that. Deferring, I guess is the strategy.

Dave Braun
02:29:04
Yeah. That’s a good one. And then, of course, you guys can probably think of some other variations to the calendar schedule thing and you could say like, well, unfortunately, my schedule doesn’t currently permit me to do it at this particular time. You could do that. You could say something like, well, you know, unfortunately, I don’t manage my time well, my executive assistant does that for me. And she’s told me flat out, I can’t schedule anything on my calendar.

Larry Broughton
02:29:35
I use that and it’s real by the way. But I do that. I have to do that a lot. I just don’t even know. Because somebody brought this up to me a couple of days ago and said, Hey, are you available next Wednesday to do this? I was like, I don’t even know, I didn’t even look at my calendar until, but I’ll have to have Melissa take a look at that.

Dave Braun
02:29:52
Yeah.

Larry Broughton
02:29:52
That’s a real one for me.

Dave Braun
02:29:55
And that’s a good one because then you and Melissa can have that conversation ahead of time and say, look, here are my goals, here’s my calendar, here’s what we need to do. You be the one to filter everything that comes in through, you know, those goals and those priorities and make sure that it’s aligned.

Larry Broughton
03:30:12
Yeah. You have to— go ahead. I’m sorry, Dave.

Dave Braun
03:30:15
No, go ahead.

Larry Broughton
03:30:16
I was gonna say that you have to be specific. You have to be intentional with your life and understand what are your vision, mission, and values. What are your financial resources? What’s your calendar and time commitment? So this takes some reflection. This takes some staring at the Naval. Like if I wanna reach these goals over the next 12 weeks, 12 months, or 12 years, whatever it is, you need to know the direction you’re going in. And so it becomes easier to say no in a kind respectful way when you know that. And you’re actually working towards it. And once you start saying no to things or keep it simple, saying no to things. You’re gonna find strength and level of confidence that you didn’t even know that you had. I oftentimes walk away smiling from those, say like, yeah, good job, Larry, you said no.

Dave Braun
03:31:16
You know, another thing that you can do is if you’re getting— these are a lot of stuff that we talked about are more like one off requests. But if you’re getting something that’s a repeatable request for your time over and over, like I know Larry, you get constantly people saying, Hey, do you have 15 minutes or half an hour to— I need some advice on my business.

Larry Broughton
03:31:38
To pick your brain?

Dave Braun
03:31:39
To pick your brain, that kind of thing. And so, you can set up a system to filter those out. Like one of ’em we just talked about, Hey, you gotta call my executive assistant. That’s one. The other thing you could do is to say, well, you know, I charge a lot of money for this, but what I do is I do two of these every month, free pick your brains, and call my executive assistant. And she will let you know when the next free slot opens. Do something like that.

Larry Broughton
03:32:08
Right.

Dave Braun
03:32:10
So you can set up some boundaries where you let those repeatable things come in at a pace that you’re comfortable with.

Larry Broughton
03:32:19
Yeah. I love that. We can do that. And then you let people know, Hey, I honor my time. I value my time and if you want, again, this is for people that are kind of who know you peripherally. Like people have plenty of access to you and I. We have Q and A calls, we have these kind of things, and we have Virtual Spotlight sessions. There are a lot of ways to get in touch with us. But if someone wants to get in touch with us outside of that, there is the spotlight session that we do where people can pay, hugely discounted. But it showed that they’re committed to it as well. That it’s not just gonna be a BS, or bitch session for f40 minutes. So that’s good. It means that you expect your time and you value your time.

Dave Braun
03:33:10
Yeah. I think there’s another way too. I want you to talk about it really quick. There’s another way you can actually say no, but still help the person who’s asking you questions about a particular subject. You can say no, but here’s a few things that maybe I can give you that doesn’t take hardly any of your time. So in other words, you can say something like, Hey, I can’t help you with that right now, but here’s a couple of blog posts.

Larry Broughton
03:33:44
Oh sure.

Dave Braun
03:33:46
Or here’s a book that I recommend that you go through. Or I do know somebody else that you may want to contact who could have some time on their calendar.

Larry Broughton
03:33:55
Yeah. I like that, Dave. And I think if you give them specific resources, like, Hey, I wrote an article on that on Yoogozi.com, go there, go to the search bar and you’ll find something there. This is why I like what you and I do is that we try to memorialize a lot of these conversations through articles, and tools. You and I have been doing this for a long time. And so, what they end up finding, particularly if they go to Yoogozi.com or to Yoogozi Insider, which is even better. Is that not only do they get that question answered, they say, well, gosh, what about that question, let’s search for that. And it’s there as well. If you’re an entrepreneur, a leader, or a high achiever, the best thing you can do. One of the things that you can do to help you grow is to become self-sufficient.

Dave Braun
03:34:53
Yeah. That’s great.

Larry Broughton
03:34:54
Look for resources, yourself. Stop using that, I don’t know how to do it as an excuse. They have this crazy tool out there, Dave. You probably have not heard of knowing you, called the Internet.

Larry Broughton
03:35:08
Do an internet search on this stuff as well. That’s a great start. Then what you can do is you can then verify if you get an opportunity to meet with somebody like Dave or I, or you attend an event, you can say, Hey, Mr. Or miss whatever, like if you have a chance to communicate with them, here’s a challenge I’ve had, the research I’ve done has shown this. What are your thoughts on it? Because then, all of a sudden the person says, well, gosh, they’re not just trying to take the easy way out. They’re gonna do some research by themselves. It does get a little bit frustrating for someone who’s constantly being bombarded with questions to hear a— They say there are no stupid questions. Well, listen, you gotta ask questions. But you’ve also gotta take some responsibility for your own life and do a little bit of research. You’ve heard me say this on some of the Q and A calls. Have you done an internet search on that yet? So, take some responsibility for your life.

Dave Braun
03:36:15
I agree. Yeah.

Larry Broughton
03:36:16
And maybe one of the things you can do is just schedule it in your calendar. I used to do this years ago when I was really trying to expand my knowledge, I would carry around cards like this, where I was always writing things, what’s the question I have that I don’t have time to really answer right now or to research and I’d write ’em down. And then I would schedule an hour each week and I would just do quick internet searches on those topics to get a little bit of information, but I had to schedule it. I’d be intentional and schedule it. So that’s an idea for folks.

Dave Braun
03:36:47
Absolutely. Yeah. That’s a good one. I like that one.

Larry Broughton
03:36:52
Yeah.

Dave Braun
03:36:52
So, one of the things that Jordan Raynor talks about in Redeeming Your Time, like, if you wanna do something like what we talked about is, giving people a little bit of help while you’re saying no. I mean, he has a good three-step process for this. So number one is, encourage.

Larry Broughton
03:37:13
So important.

Dave Braun
03:37:14
Like, wow, Hey, I’m honored you think of me for this great project that you’re doing, or wow, you’re considering me, I really appreciate that.

Larry Broughton
03:37:25
Well, you think I’m that smart that you’re asking me that question. You can make fun. I mean, a little bit of self-deprecation goes a long way too, but the encouraging part’s really good. I like that.

Dave Braun
03:37:34
Then the second part is decline. Like you would use something that we already talked about. Like, you know, I wish I could help or something like that, but I’m fully committed at this time. Or my schedule just doesn’t allow it. Something like that. So you have your decline that we just talked about. And just right before this, we talked about the help. So, Encourage, Decline, and Help, which would be like, however, I can refer you to somebody, or here’s a couple of articles. That kinda thing. So it’s, EDH, Encourage, Decline and Help. That’s a really good framework that you can use if you want.

Larry Broughton
03:38:10
I like that a lot. That’s really good. Well, I would encourage folks go back. If you haven’t been writing, taking notes during this, listen to this again. I promise you that if you start saying no to things, the right things in your life are gonna start coming along. Because if you’re saying yes to everything, you get this log jam in the energy flow in life. And the good things can’t come to you, if you’re saying yes to everything, you’re blocking things out. You gotta have freedom, emotional, spiritual, time, and margin in your life.

Dave Braun
03:38:47
That’s right.

Larry Broughton
03:38:48
You really do. Listen, if every minute of your life is jammed up with a stump, creativity goes out the window. I’m to talk about creativity as in doing art, I mean like creative problem solving, which as an entrepreneur and as a leader, you must, you need to be able to creatively problem solve.

Dave Braun
03:39:05
Right.

Larry Broughton
03:39:06
For sure. So, if you don’t put this stuff in into practice, you’re heading for the burnout trap, for sure.

Dave Braun
03:39:21
Yeah. You’re gonna be hating your business. You’re gonna be not liking yourself for, oh man, why did I say yes to that? Because you are gonna feel guilty, but that’s not a place you want to be at.

Larry Broughton
03:39:35
Yeah. If you’ve got recommendations on any of this, what’s a way that you found to say no to someone, I’d love to hear about it. Put in the comment section, send us a note, and tell us what are you doing. Awesome.

Dave Braun
03:39:51
So who came up with this years ago? It’s Nancy Reagan, Just Say No.

Larry Broughton
03:39:57
Just Say No. Yeah.

Dave Braun
04:40:00
All right. Well thank you folks for joining us today. And remember, building a team is the way to reclaim your freedom. And we are here to help you with of course, community and our White Glove Service, where we find a Rockstar VA for you. So three things we’d love for you to do right now. And we’d really appreciate it. Number one, subscribe to this Podcast, if you haven’t already done so, either on your phone or subscribe on YouTube by hitting a little button and clicking on the bell next to it, to get reminders. And then number two is give us a rating, preferably five stars, or leave a comment below this video. A way that you say no, something like that, as Larry mentioned, that’ll help us get the word out. And then number three is go to Hiremyva.com for more information on our Course and Community and our White Glove Service. And we got some great resources there. So check that out. And remember though through all of this, even without experience, you’ll learn how to prepare for hire and thrive with Virtual Assistants. And Larry and I have helped a lot of folks. We wanna help you too. So just go to Hiremyva.com for more information.

Larry Broughton
04:41:04
That’s right. Folks, do yourself a favor. Do the world a favor. Go do something significant today. God bless you. God, keep you. God hold you. Until we see each other again. Well, later Gator. Bye. Okay.

Dave Braun
04:41:15
Bye, folks.

Larry Broughton
04:41:16
Bye.

Check Other Great Episodes

HireMyVA Podcast 103 How to conduct employee satisfaction survey 1

HireMyVA Podcast 103 – How to conduct employee satisfaction survey

This is episode 103, it’s part two. The first part was we talked about the why behind doing it, you know, the purpose. Right? And we talk about whenever you do anything, make sure you understand the why behind it. So you’re not wasting your time and it also makes sure that if you understand the why you’ve got better results that’ll happen after you’re doing the how. Right? So we talked about the why behind doing an employee satisfaction survey or confidential work climate survey, as you mentioned with your team members.

HireMyVA Podcast 21 Ive never been good at managing people Ive tried but its just not me 1

HireMyVA Podcast 21 – I’ve never been good at managing people – I’ve tried but its just not me

Well, listen, the great news. I’ve got a good piece of news for these folks who say that is that, you know, like leadership and management skills are learned skills. You can learn how to do this. And we all started somewhere like this. Hey, if you’re just a jerk, that’s a different story. I can’t fix being a jerk. I can’t. And that might be why people don’t want to work for you or with you. If you’ve got an attitude where you are better than other people and you like to manipulate, then this program is not right for you. But if honestly, it’s just that, Hey, I’m, I’m nervous about it. And I’ve never had the experience before. This is why we have the community. This is why Dave and I are here.

HireMyVA Podcast 114 What are the top lessons you learned in 2021 Pt. 2

HireMyVA Podcast 114- What are the top lessons you learned in 2021 Pt. 2

I would say Larry, and this is one of the things that does spill over into other areas as well. If you create, I shouldn’t say create, create a community is definitely good and you want to do that, but also make sure that you are in community. We’re built to be in community, the be in community around these different areas, if at all possible, at least the ones that you’re struggling in. So like Larry, you, me and a couple of guys, we are in our own little community where we support each other, spiritually, physically, mentally, everything, right where we meet every Wednesday night. And the last couple of this month, we haven’t met a couple of times just because of the craziness going on, but we went a whole year and we, I think we missed just one time, but we are committed going 2022 to continue to meet every week.

[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]