HireMyVA Podcast

HireMyVA Podcast 28- All about effective mentors/coaches Pt 2

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Dave  Braun

Hey, everyone! Welcome to the HireMyVA Team and Business Building Podcast, where we help you to reclaim your freedom through hiring and thriving with virtual assistants without breaking the bank – without breaking your bank. I’m Dave Braun and I’m here with my partner, my friend, my co-hosts fellow dude in my men’s group, Larry Broughton.

 

Larry Broughton

Hello Dave, how are you my friend? I’m doing great tonight. We’re both going cash today.

 

Dave  Braun

I know we are. I mean, if you look at our colors, what do you have? You have Hire My VA blue and I have Hired My VA yellow.

 

Larry Broughton

Yeah. It’s as if we had planned this out. We didn’t friends, we did not. I just got back from a great walk with my boy, Bodie. Bodie is my Rhodesian Ridgeback for those who don’t know, it’s not my son. And we had a great walk. So

 

Dave  Braun

So was it a walk or a run?

 

Larry Broughton

It was a walk. Well, he ran, I got him, He was off leash, quite a bit. He loves to run, which is awesome.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. Well, we’re going to be going for a walk soon. I’m going with Cheryl. We’re going to look at all the Christmas lights. Oh yeah.

 

Larry Broughton

That’s great. Good. Yeah.

 

Dave  Braun

All right. Well, let’s get going folks. We want to get you to the content. So this is going to be part two of what we talked about last week, which was basically the question is I’ve heard a lot about getting a mentor or a coach, but how do I go about doing this and what are some of the considerations qualities in the person and why should I even get one? So last episode, we went through an introduction to that. And then we also, we talked about keys 1 through 11, because we got 20 total and it was just getting like we were long. And one to break it up for more easy listening for you guys. So we ended up number key eh number key number 11, which was offers direct and respectful feedback. But let’s read off what the first 10 are. Cause then we’re going to go through 12 through 20. So let’s see..

 

Larry Broughton

You said 10, but we need to read the first 11.

 

Dave  Braun

First 11. Okay. Let’s go! key number one, a caring, sharing spirit and willingness to teach. Teach. I can’t talk today, Larry.

 

Larry Broughton

Buddy, buddy, you need to get your vocal exercises beforehand. No.

 

Dave  Braun

All right. Key number two: enough wisdom and experience for your needs. That’s right. Number three: possess a positive outlook. Number four: they need to be honest with you. Number five: enthusiastic about what they do. Number six : objectivity. They need to be objective. Number seven: compassion, having compassion for you. Number eight: key eight is a great listener. That gotta be a great listener. Key number nine: they must be dedicated to lifelong learning. Number 10: they care about your whole health and not just the bottom line. And then number 11: where we left off was offers direct and respectful feedback. So today, like we said, we’re going to start at key. Number 12, let’s get to it. Key Number 12: is respected, not just by their clients, but by their peers and colleagues.

 

Larry Broughton

It’s so important, you know, mentors ought to be, and they don’t always, but they ought to be learning from each other. They ought to be as committed to learning it as you are. And it really, it’s a pretty small industry, pretty small tribe, and many of us know each other. And so if you know other mentors out there that you’re not working with, you may want to ask, Hey, what do you know about this person? Now, you gotta put it through a filter because there are some mentors who are a little bit jealous or self-conscious about their own success. Great mentors will give you positive feedback about other mentors, even if they’ve got a bigger tribe than they do. If they’re great mentors, you know, Hey, they’re awesome in this area. But if you keep asking someone about other mentors and they’ve got nothing good to say about other mentors and you know, you’ve gotta remember earlier, we said that they’ve got to be optimistic and honest as well. So if a mentor isn’t respected though in the industry, then there might be something wrong. And usually what I’ve heard, Dave, is there are questions about, I hate to say it- integrity. You know, that they take a lot of money, but they don’t  give you the value for it. Or I don’t know. There’s just, there are sadly some integrity issues in this industry. You gotta be careful for that.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. And, and one other thing that you really should consider related to key number 12 is that they themselves have a mentor, a coach, for sure. Do you want to ask, well, where did they learn their stuff from? I mean, who were they and how are they improving their craft? Because I mean, your relationship may not be a very long-term one, but it’s probably going to be more than a few months and they should be progressing, you know, in what they’re doing as well. Yeah, that’s right.

 

Larry Broughton

Yeah. Hey, key number 13, Dave is being open-minded. Yeah.

 

Dave  Braun

Yes. We’ve got if open-minded, I mean, what does that really mean? That means that they’ve got to be looking at different points of view. They’ve got to be open to hearing, you know what somebody is saying over here and over here, different places right? And they want to be able to be able to look at alternative ways of doing something, right. It’s not just, here’s the path, this is the way we’ve done it for 50 years and you know, and we’re going to do it that way. It’s kind of like, you know, I remember telling my dad, dad, you’re not doing this right. When you’re driving son I’ve been driving for as longer than you were born. He wasn’t very open-minded.

 

Larry Broughton

Yeah. Yeah. And being just because it worked with one client does it’s going to make, I mean, it’s working with all clients because they did it a certain way, 10 years ago. It doesn’t mean that it’s relevant today.

 

Dave  Braun

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. The culture, you know, our culture and the landscape of the culture and business, everything does change over time. You know what works like online 10 years ago, doesn’t work today and may a great example would be SEO practices. There was a lot of black-hat stuff years ago. And you can’t do any of that now. Right. So if you had a coach who was an SEO expert 10 years ago and hasn’t kept up, right. I mean, they’re, they’re not gonna be any good to you. Yeah, that’s right. Yeah. Okay. Well, key number 14 inspires others.

 

Larry Broughton

I think that is so important. I think that, you know, one of the phrases, I think we talk about this in the flash points book that you helped me wrap up, Dave, was that great mentors inspire a great mentors, do more to inspire awakenings than they do about teaching. Right. And I think the very best mentors she potential in others and in themselves. And they communicate it in a way that inspires others to move forward and take action in spite of the challenges and obstacles that are in front of them.

 

Dave  Braun

Right? Absolutely. Yeah.I mean, they should be able to be inspiring you as well, because yeah. You are going to go through a times when, I mean, there’s going to be a honeymoon in your, in your relationship and you’re excited and everything when you start, but then guess what happens? The real work comes in. It’s work, it’s tough. And you’re going to get bruised and bloodied. They need to be able to inspire you to keep ongoing and remind you of why you’re doing this.

 

Larry Broughton

For sure, Yeah. Right. Yep. And in that light, the best mentors key number 15 is that they really have to be self-reflective.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. I mean, they, they should be thinking about all the different, you know, aspects of their life, what they’re doing, right, what they’ve done right, what they’re doing wrong with, how they can improve, because that’s going to make just a great coach for you, because then you can learn some from the lessons that they’ve learned over time and the lessons that they learn are going to be not just successes, but probably some of the most powerful ones are going to be from, from their failures.

 

Larry Broughton

Yeah. The way I put it is that the best mentors have had crash and burn moments in their own life and they talk freely and openly about them, but not just what got them there. Why did they crash and burn? But what were the lessons they learned from it that takes some courage to be self-reflective right. And then to share it openly, who, you know, when you find mentors are willing to do that, that can really be transformational, I think.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. And you can find that out by just asking them when you have your initial meeting, ask them that, Hey, what were your biggest failures and what did you learn from it? And what are your biggest successes and what you learned from it? Yeah, yeah. That’s right. That’s right. All right. Key number 16, moving on. They showed discretion.

 

Larry Broughton

This is so darn important. And sadly it’s, I think rare and a lot of the mentoring relationships that I’ve seen out there, I hear, like I said, where you and I are in this mentoring space and we know a lot of other mentors, but I hear stories. These mentors say, Hey, I’ve got this client and they tell their name of what’s actually happened. Well, one of the things I love about our mastermind mentoring programs, we have everybody signed a confidentiality agreement. Right. Because I want to make sure that what we talk about is kept in strictest confidence is what we say on our weekly meetings, right? Yeah. Yeah. It is. For a couple of reasons. I want people to be open because this may be the only place Dave, the mentor-mentee relationship, where somebody can be really honest. You know, oftentimes they can’t go and speak to their spouse or their loved ones about the challenges that they’re having.

 

Larry Broughton

They oftentimes certainly can’t go to their employees, team members and executive committee at times. And so they have to be able to come and be truth, really, really honest. It’s almost like a therapist, a relationship a little bit. But additionally, the reason I want confidentiality is that some mentors get a bunch of their clients together, whether in a mastermind or whether in social events or whatever, and things come out and you don’t want other clients doing end runs on ideas. Right. So the whole thing about strict competence and showing discretion is really important. And the other thing is sometimes very difficult topics come up and you don’t want that mentor holding those things over your head and judging you for yeah. I think the best mentors take the information in, they don’t judge, but they help you navigate the challenge or the obstacle.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Totally agree with you there. Okay.

 

Larry Broughton

And so the next one is really being disciplined. The key number 17 is that really, successful mentors are disciplined.

 

Dave  Braun

I like this one because that’s one of my strengths.

 

Larry Broughton

I know! You inspire me in this area, to be honest. Yeah.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. So it’s, you know, and one of the things that we do, you know, is, I mean, you can tell if somebody is disciplined, they take this, the relationship and their job seriously is they show up on time. That’s a simple way they show up on time and they’re prepared. I mean, they’re not distracted, you know, if you have a coach that comes in and they start the meeting, even if they’re on time and they’re like, oh my gosh, you know, I can’t believe what happened in my house. Let me tell you about it. Well, wait a second. They’re not being very disciplined because that’s your time. It’s not theirs. Right. Right. Well, they’ve got to take the relationship seriously. And part of that is being on time and focusing on, on you and not them, not themselves. Now there’s a time when you, you know, maybe at the beginning you have a little banter back and forth. That’s fine, depending on your relationship. But you know that the 99% is on you.

 

Larry Broughton

But yeah, I think you’ve got to be mentors just like mentees are humans. And there will be times when, you know, a meeting’s got to be changed or whatever, but I think what we’re talking about it, and you go back to the discipline is what’s the, what’s the rule and not the exception. If they’re constantly not prepared, not showing up, that’s a completely different story, I think.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. Yeah. If they start off and they say, Hey, say I was coaching you Larry and I say, Hey, Larry, where were we last time? Do you remember?

 

Larry Broughton

Oops.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah, no good. No good to do.

 

Larry Broughton

Right.

 

Dave  Braun

All right. So we’re, we’re getting down the home stretch here, folks. So key number 18 that they are available for true emergencies.

 

Larry Broughton

Well, I think the key here is true emergencies. Again, mentors are humans as well, and they have their family lives and they have their quiet time. But there are times when you, as a mentee, are going to need extra help, whether it’s, you know, you’re about to go into a presentation with a potential client and it’s a big presentation and you need a little bit of help there, whether it is your business is about to go off the cliff and you call your mentor. The mentor should not be saying, well, listen, we’ve already used up all of our time this month. And can we put that off for three weeks?

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. I’m looking at my watch. Oh yeah. Our next scheduled call is in three weeks. So emergency wait until then.

 

Larry Broughton

Yeah, exactly. But it’s really a two way street, right? The mentor mentee should not be abusing like most mentors I know have a package of emergency calls, you know, however they get it to you just because you have them available because either like an emergency, if you’re calling, Hey, I’m just checking in kind of thing. How you doing? That’s not an emergency call. You don’t remember. You’re probably not the only mentee that the mentor has. And so you it’s like the boy who cried Wolf, if you’re always using those emergency calls for non-emergencies and then that call comes through, they’re going to say, what’s probably not that important. I’m going to finish dinner here with my friends and they go home, they don’t call you back. It’s probably as much about you as it is about them. So I can come back to discipline, be disciplined about using these emergency calls.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, and your coach will understand. There might be a times when you do have an emergency and you ask them, Hey, can we move up my scheduled call that’s in two weeks. Can we do it, you know, tonight or tomorrow or whatever. Right. Hopefully they can, they can work through and accommodate that for. Yeah.

 

Larry Broughton

Yep. All right. All right. So key number 19, we’re almost there folks, a great mentor doesn’t tell you what to do most of the time.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. Now the key here is most of the time, right? So that’s right. One of the things that they taught us in the John Maxwell coaching program is people will, when you’re coaching somebody, they will, self-discover a lot of what they need to do. Right? So you, and if you, as a mentee or a coachee can discover that on your own, then you will own that. And it’s not always about doing everything perfect, but it’s about doing very close to what needs to get done, but it’s about doing right. Yeah. They tell you everything to do and you don’t do it, what’s, what’s, what’s the use of that. So you’ve got to own it. And one of the best ways to own it is that it comes from you. They will help draw that out of you and lead you to have that discovery. Now there’s still going to be times when they’re going to say, eh, you’re heading down the wrong path. Here’s what I really, really think. Right. They will tell you, Hey, this is the right way to go. But hopefully they will qualify that and basically say, is it okay that I, you know, I tell you that, is it okay that, you know, can, can you give me your permission to do that? That’s a great way to do it.

 

Larry Broughton

Right. And the key, I think all of this is that they have to ask probing questions more than making statements.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. Right. Yeah. And that goes back to some of the things that we talked about before is, you know, culture and business changes. Sure. And so by them asking questions, they’ll realize maybe there’s some subtleties in what you’re doing that may change their answer. Right? Yep. So they’ve got to, they got definitely have to be asking a lot of questions. Yeah. Right. Okay. Larry, you want to give me a drum roll? Number 20. We made it through. All right. So this is one, I think that’s real important too. Is key Number 20 is they don’t want you as a mentee forever.

 

Larry Broughton

This is, this separates the rockstar mentors from the junior varsity. I think that’s kind of a mixed metaphor, but you get, it gets the separates, the major league mentors. Well, that’s good major league mentors from the junior varsity. And that is top mentors, the most effective mentors want to help you reach your potential as soon as possible. Right? And I’ve seen this often at some mentors, they don’t want to give you the bad news and not going to speak reality into your life because they want to be your friend. And they think that if I can be your friend more than a mentor, then you’re more likely to sign up for my next program. I can have you for a mentee longer than not. So I, I do believe that you need to have a mentor who speaks truth and love to you.

 

Larry Broughton

Okay. I think the best mentors are like firm and loving parents. Sometimes they’re firm and loving, okay. They speak into your life. What you need to hear. They ask the tough questions sometimes .Now, great mentors, I mean, I’ve, I’ve had mentor, mentee relationships that have gone on for years, but their relationship has changed over time. You know, sometimes like maybe in the beginning it might be more like triage. Stop the bleeding in my life and business. The next phase might be physical therapy. We’re just getting you stronger. And then the third phase might be peak performance. If you think about it from a medical or from a sports analogy. So triaged physical therapy, peak performance might be a way to look at it. But again, most mentors don’t want, they’re not expecting to go into the relationship and I’m, we’re going to be together for 15 years. That’s generally not how this works. And it goes back to what we talked about way early on in these keys, Dave, is that don’t be afraid to cut a mentor loose if you’ve outgrown them. Mentors should be big boys and girls, you know, you’re not getting married. And they’re in your life for a season.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. Now, so one of the things let’s go back to key number two, on this memorable key number two was enough wisdom and experience for your needs. So we talked about, they don’t have to be the biggest rock star in the industry. If you’re a first grader, they just need to be a fourth grader. That kind of a thing. So if I say that, if I go back to that in my particular case, you know, so like I’ve had my web coach for, what’s a package deal, there’s a coaching session a month. And then we have a mastermind every month as well. Or we talk about stuff. Yeah. And so we’ve been doing that for several years, but the thing that I’ve noticed also is, and this is one of the most things about powerful about my coach, Nathan Ingram ends powerful abouts in my opinion, us as well as it’s something to look for is that there’s there in the industry or they’re growing a business or they’re doing something to keep up right. With things. So he still has his web development business and his is growing and morphing and changing as well. So he’s still ahead of me still experimenting, still guiding me. He’s connected with so many people trying new things and that’s still super valuable to me. So I’ve grown, he’s gone more to college and maybe I’m more high school.

 

Larry Broughton

Well, that’s the key, right? He’s doing many of the things that we list in this packet and these 20 things he’s committed to lifelong learning, right? That’s the key here. If they can stay ahead of you, then I think that’s the, that you’ll have a longer term relationship with somebody, but truth be told there are some amazing mentors out there, I’ve had some rock star mentors out there, but many of the folks that are in this mentor, coaching space, they stagnated and are teaching today what they were teaching 10 years ago. Yeah. You know, and that’s a problem. My, and my only point here is don’t be afraid to talk to your coach about it or your mentor and say, Hey, here’s where we’ve been focusing on this. But I really think what I need is that. And so let’s give them time to, to maybe, oh, I didn’t really realize that – that’s a conversation, these difficult conversations, difficult conversations, take a little bit of courage, but it’s like any relationship you got to have courage. And then if you’ve had that conversation and the relationship still wasn’t improving, or you’re still not getting what you need from them, then set them free and find another mentor. Yeah.

 

Dave  Braun

I agree. I totally agree. So we’ve come to the end. And maybe we can wrap up Larry really quick. We didn’t talk about this ahead of time, but what if you think about the 20 or you can review them, you’ve got them there in front of you. I do too. What of all of those things do you think stands out to you? What do you think is the most important or, I mean, they’re all important, right? But what is it that stands out in your mind that says this is going to be a great coach for me. I can tell you mine..

 

Larry Broughton

While you’re on your go first. Yeah.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. I think somebody who’s willing to speak the truth to be objective, to, you know, to not be afraid to lose you as a client that will say, here’s what I think you’re doing or going down the wrong path or whatever. And they say it of course, lovingly, but they’re not afraid to tell you what you need to have to grow and whatever area that you’re doing. I mean, if you’re, if you have a fitness coach and they’re telling you that, you know, you just don’t have the body to do this or whatever, then that’s, that’s huge in my mind.

 

Larry Broughton

Yeah. Yeah. That’s good. You know, the honesty and transparency is so important. Yeah. Here’s one of this jumped out at me and that is, and maybe I’m just personalizing it too much is key Number 10 cares about your whole health, not just the bottom line. Yeah. That’s good too. I mean, I can think about, I mean, right off the top of my head, almost a dozen people popped in my mind, Dave, who’ve gone through our mentoring programs who have said, not only have you saved my business, you’ve saved my life, but you’ve saved my marriage or my health has improved. Right. I think it is vitally important because boy, if you have a business that is general rocking, it’s doing great things. But if your relationships, if you’re grinding everybody up and the other in your life and you’re heading for a cliff and you are addicted to whatever it is, the business doesn’ matter. Yeah. Right. That’s why I love our whole health spider graph that we use so much.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. Yeah. It’s a fantastic tool. And if you’re honest with it will, it will help you be self-reflective which is one of the other keys that we talked about.

 

Larry Broughton

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And then you’re right. There’s so many of them, but there’s another one that just, I think is so important is that we offer direct and respectful feedback. Yeah. You know, speaking the truth and love is so, so important. Yeah. I mean, you and I have heard this over and over again, folks who have had mentors prior to us and they say, no, one’s ever spoken to me this way. Well, yeah. Well that might be why you’re stuck.

 

Dave  Braun

And then of course, sometimes though, you know, if you are coaching people and you speak, you know, obviously you’re respectful, but if you tell them things that they don’t want to hear, but that they need to hear. Yeah. Sometimes your clients are going to leave you. Yeah.

 

Larry Broughton

And I, I I’ve had that. I had a conversation where I actually, I could count on one hand, I can on one finger, the number of times why I lost it on a client. Right. Where I was just so frustrated because it was the same thing on every call. I finally just said blank, we’ve talked about this so many times, you don’t want my feedback because he asked these questions say, so I’m going to hang up. And he just kept probing. I said, I’m sorry. I find that wrong. I’m hanging up. And before I say that, I said, we’re done. But I said, and I hung up and we didn’t talk for about three months. And he called me and said, you know, I really needed that. No one has ever done that to me before. And that’s the problem with people who own their own businesses is that they don’t, they haven’t reported to anybody in a long time and people don’t tell them what they need to hear sometimes.

 

Larry Broughton

And, and one of the challenges with this particular person, was he surrounded himself with yes people and that’s all people will tell them is yes, yes, yes, yes, sir. Three bags full sir kind of thing. And, and we reconciled and he became a client again, and his business just took off, but he needed to be shook up a little bit. But I can say there’s only one time that’s happened. Now I am firm and loving with all of our coaching clients. But I, I think it is so important that people recognize you have to be open-minded and take feedback. Like we’ve said during this thing. So anyway, those are 20 great points, I think, Dave, and folks that are watching and listening. How are we going to give this document away?

 

Dave  Braun

Yes. At some point we should.

 

Larry Broughton

I will stay tuned folks for that.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. For sure. All right. Anything else, sir?

 

Larry Broughton

No, I think this has been good. I hope people got a lot out of it. This is part number two. And if you didn’t get the chance to walk, didn’t get the chance to see part number one, go back and look at part number one for this.

 

Dave  Braun

Well, the, the, the document is part of our program, for sure.

 

Larry Broughton

Yeah. But you and I just got through talking earlier. There’s some changes we need to do to it. But anyway, it’s called key qualities of an effective mentor coach for entrepreneurs, Leaders and high acheivers.

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. What we’re going to do is they’re going to take that a document to a plus, right?

 

Dave  Braun

Yeah. All right. Well, thanks Larry. Thank you folks for joining us today. It’s been fun over the last couple of times to talk about the key qualities that you need to look at before you hire a mentor and a coach. And remember though, building a team is the way to reclaim your freedom. You can have a mentor, a coach that will help you, but they should lead you. If you really want to get freedom, you want to grow in your business, they shouldn’t lead you to figure out how am I going to replicate myself, how am I going to bring people onto, into my organization to serve our clients better? They should be directing you to that in some way. But so that’s what we do to our clients. And of course, we’re here to help you if you want to go that route too with us.

 

Dave  Braun

But for right now, for three things, I’d love for you to do right now, go and subscribe to the podcast if you haven’t already done. So, and then the second thing is, give us a rating, five star, of course, that’s what we want. And then the third thing is go to Hiremyva.com for more information on our course and community. Because remember even without experience, without any experience, you can learn how to prepare for, hire and thrive with a virtual assistant, one or more virtual assistants. And like Larry and I talked about, we’ve been coaching and mentoring folks for a long time, and we’d love to help you out. We’re helping people out right now. Love to do the same thing for you guys. So just go again to Hiremyva.com for more information. Right.

 

Larry Broughton

That was awesome. All right, folks. Hey, do yourself a favor. Do your world a favor. Do your community a favor. Go do something significant today. All right, team. Go get them!

 

Dave  Braun

Alright, take care guys. Bye!

 

 

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